Illogical, Irrational, Emotional…Me.

Divorce

2011-04-25T00:25:00.000-07:00

I work with divorce every day. I live with the reality of my parents being divorced. And today I have one question, why the hell does "we are divorced" mean you don't text your children to even say Happy Easter, much less ask them if they have somewhere to go? My end thought is divorce sucks!

I was thinking...

2011-03-13T23:43:00.000-07:00

Tonight me and Caty were watching Rent and all the sudden it dawned on me! What if I can never find the right guy to spend my life with? I mean I don't really consider it often, but tonight it just hit me.

I have to find someone who understands that I love the gospel and live by its standards, that I am a fairly conservative person, and yet I love to watch Avenue Q and Rent...I feel doomed and yet oddly energized...yippy for Rent!

:) Thanks!

2010-02-02T19:27:00.000-08:00

Life Is Hard, So Remember To Play Hard!

Yup.

Censored Baby Bogan!

Smile even though it hurts!

I love my nephew!

DUCK!!!

Yes that is a snowman...

Midnight Ramblings-New Theory in the Workings

2009-12-05T08:06:00.000-08:00

In my mind everything is possible. There are no limitations. I may believe a possibility is not true, however that doesn’t mean that my mind erases the possibility that I am wrong and it is true.

One can only find truth as one perceives the truth to be. Because you can never know the truth, because you cannot perceive everything how it is meant to be or how it is. Nobody truly knows me except for God, including me. Therefore you can never know the truth about yourself or your life, because you cannot even perceive yourself completely truthfully. Therefore the only way to know truth is to know truth through God. And even then you must have faith that that truth is from and of God. Therefore you cannot live your life knowing what is true and what is not, you can only live knowing what you have faith is true and what you have faith is not true.

New Job Openings!

2009-08-24T14:06:00.000-07:00

Two New Job Openings!

I need two very special employees!
Both positions are eligible for benefits and paid training!
Compensation DOE*

1). Crunchy, Green, Yummy Lettuce, that doesn’t freeze under pressure from the refrigerator!
2). Soft, non-deadly, Tasty Pita Bread, that doesn’t fall apart at the first sign of a struggle!

Please do not apply if you do not meet the qualifications, if you have an odor you will be thrown out!

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any injuries, dismemberment, or being eaten which may occur while on duty.
* Depends on Edibility.

Life.

2009-06-17T14:18:00.001-07:00

What do you do when you stand alone? It is so much easier to stand alone, when no one else is around you. Yet to stand alone, when you are surrounded by people is so hard.

The question really becomes what are you willing to give up and what are you willing to suffer. It is hard to find the answer. And when you do, that doesn't mean that the difficulties and pain stops, it usually means that it all gets worse.

It is hard to break old habits. The habit to just give in or just deal with the pain for the sake of peace. Yet when you do give things up for peace, such as your self-respect or your self-esteem, it makes everything worse. It damages you and it damages others.

How do you decide what is enough? Can you stand here for someone, when they won't stand there for you? And when you decide yes you can and yes you will, then how do you learn how to deal with the ramifications of those actions. The pain and confusion, the doubt and hurt, the knowledge and fear.

The question again becomes another and that question is now how do you deal with the knowledge that what you are willing to give to someone/anyone is not anywhere near what they are willing to give to you. They are important to you and that is required but you are not important to them (or at least not important enough or as important as them) and they won't admit it. And then you have to deal with the fear that you will never be important enough.

So In Reality The Question Becomes: How Do You Deal?

The only answer I have found is Christ, you have to be able to give it away and make it so that it isn't yours anymore. You have to be able to say "I can't do it anymore" or "I can't take it any further" and have someone else take it for you. And sad or happy as it is, occasionally or often, Christ may be the only one who thinks you are important enough to switch you places. He becomes the one who is willing to give more than you and willing to stand there for you, when maybe you aren't willing to stand there for Him. Which makes Him the one who may be the only one to ever be the one standing alone while surrounded, for you.

Eventually life gets to be too much, no matter what. You just have to decide what you are going to do about it. If you have no where to turn, then maybe you should look again.

Boredum!

2009-06-17T13:04:00.000-07:00

I am Bored! I am Bored! I am Bored!

I feel like no mental energy is being required of me lately! I view this as a problem and a symptom of being Bored!

Help! Save Me! Help!

I will create something for me to not be bored about!

I will pretend that my class is not boring!

Sigh!!!!!

Need to use mental energy!

2009-05-14T15:46:00.000-07:00

Yippy! So I graduated, I am done!...not, but I am DONE! with my paralegal degree...yippy!! AND I got my 4.0 which means certain things I can't say on a public blog :-)!

I am in AZ with my sister! Who of course officially graduates tomorrow! Yippy!!!

I am in such a good mood lately, I love everything! I just want to play in the sun and be happy! Whooohooo!

2009-05-04T00:53:00.000-07:00

I am graduating on Friday! ...If I ever decide to actually write the two papers that are due tonight...hmmmm.....

I am now contemplating if I will still graduate if I DON'T write the papers...I think I technically have to complete one of them (the one I haven't started on, that is smart). Hmmmm...I vote that somebody writes them for me, I will pay you 20 dollars a paper! Okay no I won't but that is not the point!

Hmmmm....I am graduating! Also, Tamilyn and I decided to drive to Wyoming Friday night...yes we are random. There are two places open 24 hours in Evanston, the Flying J and the Maverick...it was way exciting! We had to keep stopping on the way home so that I could run around the car to wake up...it was interesting. We also sent a letter with 21, 2 cent stamps on it...wonder if it will make it anywhere. Anyway that was our randomness and attempt to avoid homework and work...I like it, next time we decide to drive out of state at like midnight we will take more people with us, so there are more potential drivers and maybe one that has slept recently...though could be amusing to have five people running around the car trying to wake up.

This is the picture of the welcome to wy sign, which really did turn out that way, and we decided that it looks like a graphic, not a picture... la la la

It was cold...we thought of starting a book with pictures in front of all the 50 state signs...

....this is us taking pictures of us to add to a picture of the Utah state sign, because it was too cold for us to actually stay out there and try and get a decent picture in the dark! Somehow I don't think we are dedicated enough to make it to all 50 states! :-D

Now if we can just try and get all the pretzels out of Georgie! :-D

....Back to papers, have to go to work in like 6 hours...

Achieve

2009-04-18T13:39:00.000-07:00

To Achieve.

To Achieve is to gain something, something that says to other people, no matter who they are, that you did something, that you are smart enough, fast enough, cool enough, whatever it is. But it is something that makes you worth more, whether to your boss, your family, your God, your own expectations. Achieving increases your value...I am tired of it, I am tired of achieving I am tired of doing something to increase my value.

I just want to be who I am and not have to worry about what that means I am worth. I want to be me, just me, not me who is expected by my job, not me who is expected by my family, not me who is expected by anyone. I just want to be me, without even my own attempt to determine my value, why does value even matter? Why can't we all just be us and not attach a value? Why must human society attach a price/value to every person and everything?

Why can't we all just be us and be happy? Why do we have to devalue one person and then raise someone else above them? Why does it matter who we are? Why can't we just do away with value? I am tired of being required to meet someone else's expectations, or even to meet my own.

Why can't I just be?

Sex and Mormons!

2009-03-29T20:49:00.000-07:00

http://sunstoneblog.com/2008/09/29/when-virgins-collide/

Okay I like it! Funny and oh so true!

Um...Title...No Thanks...I Reject the Requirement/Suggestion to Title My Post

2009-03-27T12:50:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I hate school...okay I usually hate school. I have decided that I am ready for graduation!!! But NO it hasn't decided that it is ready for me, this I just find rude!

I have gone to the gym three times this week, and overslept at least two of those times, I think this could be a problem if it continues. However, I love it! It makes me happy! Aside from the irritating ache in my right leg that won't go away....

I also LOVE my sister-in-law! She has come with me the past two days and it has been fun and nice to spend some time just the two of us, so that was good. So Considering all the pros and cons the gym is a good thing, except in relation to my professional life! :-)

It is interesting how when you pay attention to peoples lives you can see that many people are going through the same thing as you...I noticed this when I finally read all the blog posts I have been missing...because I never get on my blog or anyones blog or facebook...It is strange how being too busy to play online leaves a person disconnected from the world...ODD!

YES MY NEPHEW IS ADORABLE AND JUST FOR ME HE

NICELY POSED FOR THIS PIC ON ST. PATTY'S DAY!

THIS IS HIM AT THE PARK, FUN TIMES!

How can you title something like a blog entry? Sigh.

2009-02-25T20:38:00.000-08:00

So I am blogging, because my sister told me I had too. We just got done with a conversation, which as usual ended with my sister needing to go to bed and me needing to continue talking, because every time we discuss something, I come up with twelve or as she kindly says 'eight' more things to discuss. I have a conversation and while I am having that conversation I have several more conversations happening in my brain that I have already had and I feel this intense need to actually have them with someone to find out if my conclusion to the conversation is actually right or founded. However by the time I reach the end of the conversation I needed to have "outside my head" I have had another several conversations inside my head. See now a lot of people (not that there are many at all) who are reading this, now feel the need to catch up with what the heck (notice no swearing, how nice) I am saying, and then need a nap, or maybe can last a little bit longer, but not much, because do you really think that people can listen to the disjointed (not disjointed to me) ramblings of a crazy person for that long? Hmmmm apparently not. :0)

I would like you to know I had to consciously tell myself that I really needed to add a break in my ramblings, so you get a new paragraph :), ain't I sweet.

Anyway, I told her that I need to get a recorder, so that I can talk to myself and record it, because writing and typing is too limiting to be able to get everything out of my head, and since I wouldn't even be able to get it all out of my head with a recorder even, I told my sister that I need a little thingy (nice word I know) like Dumbledore (however you spell his name) has, that just takes my thoughts (in his case memories) and dumps them into a huge bowl that I can sort through and look at it all from a different perspective and all put together and then maybe it would be like putting my puzzle together, a puzzle that would obviously never end, but none the less you get the point, and if you don't, I have a sharp stick I will loan you.

So I went and listened to Pastor France Davis speak today at the SLC library. He was awesome, I really liked him, I would like to sit in a room with him and go a few rounds because I think he would be someone I could talk to for awhile and continue to gain more insights and more conversations obviously, but it would be interesting I think to get his opinion on many things and to just listen to him talk and talk because I think it would show a lot about him and would seriously expand my mind and thinking. Anyway I bought his book and he signed it, and he signed it saying "Jessica, Take time to dream and then go." I realize he quite possibly signs several books like this, however I guess it all depends on the person who gets it, not how many people get it. Anyway, I got home and actually read what he wrote and in the middle of my conversation with my sister (the one out loud, not the twelve in my head) I pointed out, look he knows me, slow down, figure out what you want and THEN go! Also allowing me the chance to dream, I love to dream I just can never decide which dream to follow or which one to grab on to there are so many of them! Who knows, hmmm.

This blog is supposed to be me, however as I agree and my sister pointed out that I don't sound like me at all, because one of the bad things about me is the fact that I analyze everything I write, most things I say, and it means that everything is filtered for the most part, and that is just weird, because I filter it way more on here than I do when, for example I talk to my sister...hmmm interesting.

Okay shutting up now.... :0) Smile the world is worse than you think! :0)

My Nephew is the Coolest!

2009-02-16T17:37:00.000-08:00

My Adorable Nephew and His Gorgeous Mother!

My Nephew With His Wonderful Parents and THE CLAW!

My Nephew Helping Me Blow Out My Birthday Candles!

Um...Life?

2009-02-12T14:22:00.000-08:00

So I am graduating in May (according to the Graduation office) with my Paralegal Degree, this makes me oh so very very very happy! It is nice to be able to actually have something says "Look I Really Did Work My Butt Off"!

I have started the new semester and as usual don't love all my classes, however at least most of them require some effort, that is a plus.

I still love my job and don't plan on leaving, because oh that is right, I love it way toooooooo much!

It is the week of Friday the 13th...and hopefully it will end after Friday ends! :-)

I love my nephew, he is so darn adorable! And can eat french fies with the best of them!

La la la what other random sentences I could come up with will have to wait...toodles!

Epiphany!

2008-12-28T23:08:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I just had an amazing epiphany about my life and dynamics of my life. It is one of those moments where you are looking and the universe and then you learn something and it completely changes your perspective on life! The moment when everything becomes more clear and you have more understanding of everything that is happening in your life and why. It is freaking AWESOME! I LOVE it!

2008-12-14T11:01:00.000-08:00

So it is the end of the Semester!!! Yippy! And it is Christmas time!!! Yippy!

I am so happy that my sister and cousin will be here for the holiday and it is my Nephew's first Christmas!

I am currently rearranging my room to fit my 6 1/2 foot Christmas tree ! Yes I am insane! :) But that is just one of my charms! I have realized that the holidays can be super depressing, but why let them? I guess if they really wanted to be depressing then I would let them, but I don't believe it is in their nature. Christmas is for celebrating everything in life that is good and wonderful! So why not? I plan to embrace this Christmas season, lets all just hope that I actually do and don't turn into a grouch and have to be smashed by a Christmas tree to make me see sense!!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS ALL!

it hasn't been a month...or maybe it has...oopsie

2008-08-24T04:55:00.000-07:00

So I am updating my blog, all should be very proud. :-) I just started my fall semester of school this past week, thankfully I survived the summer semester almost completely intact. My first day of school was on Wed, and strangely enough with about thirty students awaiting his arrival, our teacher didn't show up to class...normally it is the other way around :-).

I am happy because I am basically done with math after last semester (aside from possibly having to take a stats class some time in the future)...YIPPY!!!!!

I decided the other day that I am basically happy with my life, it was kinda odd. But seriously I have a good enough job, which I don't hate going to in the mornings, I am attending and doing fairly well at school, and I don't have any major problems going on right now. (Waits for the huge trial God is sending in response.) It is great I haven't been just happy with my life for as long as I can remember :-).

I am excited for the election that is coming up, though I still can't say who I will vote for, however how can you not get excited when you realize that you get a say in the way your country is run and you can actually do something to influence your government! A lot of people in the world don't get any say whatsoever, a great many can't even openly resent their government! This will be my first presidential election that I get to vote in...yippy!!!

Politically Correct Happiness

2008-07-21T20:50:00.000-07:00

So I keep starting blog posts, just to stop and pause and go "now wait, do I really want ANYONE to be able to read that comment?" Let's face it you can't blog about work, school, or anything else that might possibly be seen by the wrong person, unless you want to deal with the drama of that and to be honest...I don't. So, I find myself trying to be politically correct in everything I write, hmmm I don't know if this is how blogging should be...oh well.

So I had a good day today, mostly because I got my English presentation over with and don't have to worry about it anymore...AND because I am sitting on my couch (that I use as a bed) and it is almost ten at night...AND I do not have ANYTHING I HAVE to do!!! No homework due tomorrow, no absuredly pressing life events or issues I have to deal with, all I have to do is go to sleep! I find this super exciting!

I also am taking a mental health day on friday, which means that I get a four day weekend! Since, I now have a state job and I get Pioneer Day off as a State Holiday! :-) I am happy!

I just felt like sharing that with you all, I am going to bed now and thanks for tuning in! (I ended that sentence with a preposition...ooops.)

2008-07-16T15:33:00.000-07:00

Hehehehehe Aren't They Adorable? This was what I got to do instead of Math!!! :-)

2008-07-16T15:24:00.001-07:00

So I am updating my blog on my 15 minute break, why you ask, well because my sister told me to. :-) My car decided to get cranky this weekend, it was awkward, there I was out in front of the chinese place and I go to turn my car off...which didn't work so well, because well it didn't want to turn off. So it went to the dealership to get fixed again, because apparently its shifter was broken.

Wow that was a boring paragraph, I love my job, I hate my English class. I lost five points on Monday, because one of my teammates of Team Estrogen (no kidding) didn't show up to class! I skipped math class last night to go see my brother play softball and hang out with his fam. My nephew is adorable! Anywho as soon as I get off work I have to work on my math homework, since I have a stupid test tomorrow...grumble.

Hmmmmm ramble ramble rumble...earthquake!!!!!!

Hello

2008-07-07T21:44:00.000-07:00

Why oh why I am starting a blog? Because I am avoiding my homework and pretending like I don't care that it isn't getting done. I don't really know if I can be a blogger, because what is the point really? To put out my thoughts, ideas, life, and gramatical mistakes out on the web for the whole world to see? Well know that just sounds a tad bit awkward if you ask me.

In case you ever think it is a good idea to take a 8 week 2010 English class over the summer, it isn't!!! Even my professor thinks it is too much work to write 5 papers each 4-5 pages in length in approximately 6 weeks, not including preparing and presenting your final portfolio. Sigh therefore we (we being my 113 multiple personalities) are ignoring our homework and will regret it later.

Anywho bye bye have a nice day...whoever you are!!